What better way to, um, end the This Cyborg Life theme week than a post about a British guy with a bionic ass?

Meet Ged Galvin, a 55-year-old chap from Barnsley, south Yorkshire, who is currently in possession of a very special remote control. A remote control that, when engaged, controls Galvin’s bowels and allows him to go to the bathroom with dignity. Dignity that was, sadly, robbed from him in the wake of a horrific motorcycle accident that nearly killed him.

At first, the operation that saved his life left him unable to control his bowels. That meant a colostomy bag and all the inconvenience and potential embarrassment that comes with such an arrangement. But then in stepped more doctors. They had a plan. They could rebuild him, make his sphincter stronger. And that’s exactly what they did.

Using muscle from Galvin’s knee, the doctors wrapped his sphincter muscle and attached a number of electrodes to the muscle nerves. Enter the remote control, which Galvin compares to a chubby cellphone, and bowel function was restored. It’s as easy as an on/off switch, he said in an interview with the Telegraph, “just like switching on the TV.”

Britain is calling him the man with the bionic bottom, and he’s just fine with that. After all, he could be dead. This is better, and while he’s not as beautiful as guest editor Aimee Mullins, he’s a great fit for This Cyborg Life, and I wish him well. [Telegraph via Geekologie]

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Meet the British Man with the "Bionic Bottom" [Cyborgs]

I am ashamed of two things. 1) That in our quest for the cyborg life, we were beaten to the punch by SkyMall, and 2) that none of the following products are fake.

Let’s just get this first one out of the way: Not only does the Head Spa Massager look like someone in the 1970s designed it in a future-Sparta fashion, but it’s a massage helmet. You look ridiculous, and it can’t even secretly double as a sexual aid.

This handsome silver fox has it going on. I mean, he’s talking to a sexy lady, and a power call could easily come through his Bluetooth earpiece at any moment, right? Nope, he fooled you! He’s hard of hearing, and that’s just his Stealth Secret Sound Amplifier. (I laughed when I first saw this, but now it just makes me sad.)

Every cyborg I know of has a head-mounted camera, and since this 5-megapixel Digital Camera Swim Mask is only good for 15′ depth (that is, snorkeling or swimming pools), you might as well make the most of it and wear it on dry land too! Even has a cyborg-friendly LED that shines inside the mask, to let your friends know who’s part robot tell you when you’re shooting.

If sci-fi tells us anything, it’s that the bionic man (or woman) has great posture. Thankfully, the Posturetek Biofeedback System—it’s a shirt, but they call it a system—”senses incorrect posture and gently encourages posture correction.” My assumption is that it doesn’t use sharp spikes or electric shocks, but it’s still a tad sinister.

Snore correction makes up approximately 94% of SkyMall revenue, but only one, the SnorePro Snore Relief Device, attaches to your wrist and sends a “biofeedback digital pulse” when the log sawing kicks in. (Can you imagine having a business card with the word SnorePro emblazoned on it? Would that be awful or awesome?)

When you embark on the man-machine merger, it makes sense to complement some of that silicon with silicone, if you catch my drift. Hell, you got so much going on, nobody’s going to notice that you’ve shoved some Body Figure Enhancing Pads down your pants. Well, they’ll notice, but not in a bad way.

What good is the cyborg life if it doesn’t permit you to jump higher, run faster, have more energy, appear 2″ taller and “look like a million dollars”? The Gravity Defyers (spelling lessons sold separately) have been tempting travelers for ages with those very promises. Besides, its patented spring-loaded sole is found on no other shoe in the world pretty much ever, for some reason.

Locutus of Borg wasn’t much of a jumper—his footwear of choice skewed toward the comfort-illumination lines. That’s why he swore by the Brightfeet Lighted Slippers. They’re just the thing to slip on when you’re making the midnight trek from the regeneration chamber to the cube pissoir.

This week, Gizmodo is exploring the enhanced human future in a segment we call This Cyborg Life. It’s about what happens when we treat our body less as a sacred object and more as what it is: Nature’s ultimate machine.

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The Enhanced Human, SkyMall Style [Gadgets]

Before disease took his ability to move, Tony Quan was an amazing graffiti artist. Now he is completely paralyzed, save for his eyes, and still an amazing artist. Seeing how he works left me with tear-streaked cheeks.

Beautiful, isn’t it? Art, whether in the form of graffiti or coffee, is an individual’s contribution to humanity. And the incredible people behind the EyeWriter Initiative are making sure that not even paralysis, like Tony’s, stops someone from making such a creative contribution.The project is an open-source collaboration which seeks to continue building on their low-cost eye-tracking system and they’ve even got instructions for a DIY version of the EyeWriter. [Eyewriter via Infosthetics]

This week, Gizmodo is exploring the enhanced human future in a segment we call This Cyborg Life. It’s about what happens when we treat our body less as a sacred object and more as what it is: Nature’s ultimate machine.

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EyeWriter Allows Man To Paint Despite Paralysis [This Cyborg Life]